Google Me, Baby

My head hurts. I wonder if there are any known cases of trauma caused by severe brow furrowing.

When I first heard Teyana Taylor's "Google Me," I thought I was having one of those post-snowboarding hallucinations driving down from upstate NY. But then I came across a press release sitting in my inbox a few days later. Yes, this is for real. And yes, this is the same poor little rich girl who had her lavish sweet 16 featured on MTV's hit show, Sweet 16.

Like it or not, lyrics like, "I'm certified on the internet than anybody" and, "Put it in your search engine / Teyana Princess of Harlem" are a testament to the internet's hold on pop culture. But that doesn't make it any less laughable. Next thing you know, "R-S-S my A-S-S" or "Friend Me on Facebook" will be hitting the airwaves.

And how about Google? Was Teyana's use of their trademark kosher? Referring to the Google Permissions guidelines, I would think that "Google Me, Baby" somehow violates their stipulations against incorporating, "Google Brand Features into your own product name, service names, trademarks, logos, or company names" or "[using] Google trademarks in a way that suggests a common, descriptive, or generic meaning." If, by some miracle, Teyana's album hits platinum, does she then owe the search giant some royalties?

I'm contacting Teyana's publicist to see if I can secure an interview with the internet star, before she's well out of my orbit.